Choice

Choice. Everybody talks about it like it's something we're entitled to, but the minute you try to actually choose something, everyone gets all up in your business and tells you that You can't do that! For instance, with all this bruhaha going on with the hospital goliath in our city, I am looking for a non-affiliated FP who can provide care for me for my pre-existing condition. I called a few places today (after having been sent to collections again, you could say that I am highly motivated). I spoke to one nurse who was supposed to take my medical history, and then give the info to the doctors in the practice, who would then decide if they can take on a new patient. So I gave her my information: my pre-existing condition, the fact that I'm currently pregnant (I made it very clear that I am not looking for prenatal care, or any pregnancy-related care), how I heard about their practice, when I'm due, and who my pregnancy care provider is. I told her that I was receiving care from a midwife and that we were planning a home birth.

I got a call later that afternoon telling me that because I have this condition and am choosing to home birth, they cannot provide any sort of medical care for me ("But best of luck with all of your future endeavors, etc., etc.,"). Seriously? Because they don't agree with my choice to home birth, they are not going to help me. Now, obviously, I know that choice goes both ways, and they're free to choose not to help me if they don't want to, but it's just a little aggravating that I'm never the one that gets to make any choices here. And it's not just with this. I mean, the whole reason we started home birthing in the first place was because I was given no choices my first pregnancy (there are standard-of-care protocols for people with my condition, and regardless of a person's individual situation, these protocols must never be deviated from, even if it puts the individual in danger, or causes poorer outcomes). I ended up with a c-section because the OB who insisted on inducing me at 37.5 weeks had the nurses turn the pitocin up so high that it sent my baby into fetal distress (more on that another time). Then, when I became pregnant with my second baby, none of the doctors in my area were willing to support my choice for a vbac. So I found a home birth midwife who would, and did it myself, thankyouverymuch. Which ended up being the awesomest thing ever.

During my third pregnancy, people pretty much left me alone, which was actually refreshing, and I was feeling pretty good about this whole choice thing.

Fast-forward to this pregnancy: the care provider that provided early prenatal care to me in my last pregnancy informed me that she was no longer able to provide prenatal care because I birth at home. "Take your business elsewhere, fool!" So then I called around to other care providers at the other goliath hospital system in town, and was told that I could only be seen by actual OBs; no NPs, no CNMs, no FPs. When I went into be seen for my first visit (which, ironically was with an NP, because everyone sees the NP first at this system), I was criticized for choosing home birth. Which, you know—I can handle criticism.

So, now, it's this. I can't choose my care provider. I can't choose home birth. I'm supposed to bow down and let everyone take care of me. Because, last I checked, people taking responsibility for their health is the best way to, you know, be healthy. But apparently, it's frowned upon in the medical community, and all doctors are spoiled brats who take their toys and go home unless you play their way.

At least, that's the way I choose to see it. Because, darn it, that's one choice they're making it easy for me to make.